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The Colbert Report/Episode/544
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Stephen's Mob started the show off with a resounding chant of USA * reign of justice * our media is dominated by lightweights ** Anderson Cooper says he 360, not * George Will ** triple pleat herring bone trousers ** rhino balls ** shines light on only issue that matters: Demon Denim *** symptomatic of deep disorders in * Satan's Leg Tubes ** clerical vestments * George Will - English Dictionary ** George Stephanopolous Roundtable Gift Shop * my conservative butt doesn't look good in wranglers * heir to intellectual giants * Herb Tarlick(sp) ** dugarees v. suits * illegal aliens are eating our housecats * America's problems are being caused by a tiki torch I found while on vacation in Hawaii SEGMENT2 * last week Obama's DoJ released 4 more torture memos ** collect the whole set and you get a free coffee mug * outline in great detail what interrogators could and could not do ** product placement (Ensure Plus) *** one sip and you'll say ... pretty much anything * technically not turture * will those people who perpetrated those acts be punished ** Obama doesn't want to be prejudged * we need to punish those responsible for those acts ** we can lourde our moral superiority over other countries *** In your face Zimbabwe! * who really is responsible ** Stressed Position * KSM, guilty ** 9/11 ** wearing plunging neckline without waxing * Dr. Colbert's souffle is done ** would cool off on the ches of someone * "following orders" ** is not an acceptable defense * Federal Circuit Court Judge Ming The Merciless * if you're not in the delivery room, you're not the father * if we're not punishing people for approving the torture ** we may all be guilty for re-electing Bush * whoever we punish for these ** can't be the ones who did the torture ** can't be the ones who authorized the torture * the only ones we can punish for the torture is the guy we tortured ** then we can put all this behind us * we learned sometimes we have to do terrible things to get the information we need ** there are times when we can torture with no repercussions Who's Riding My Coattails Now? * imitation is the sincerest form of flattery * Who's Riding My Coattails Now? * Utah Senator Orrin Hatch sent CDs of songs he wrote himself * featuring the songstylings of Steve Amerson, America's Tenor * Dr. Colbert's own CD: Blown Away By The USA * if you act now, you will also get a copy of his other album: ** "Stunned by The States" * call in the next 5 seconds ** bonus "Flabbergasted by the Flag" *** mashed-up with Bangles covers * these CDs are not available in stores because stores no longer sell CDs Interview * Mike Krzyzewski ** book: "The Gold Standard: Building a World-Class Team" * is the coach of the Duke basketball team who may have lost the NCAA Tourney ** one of Dr. Colbert's Final Four guests * unconscionable that he hoards so many consonants * why have a team ** Stephen is the LeBron James of his show * what is the difference between teamwork and socialism * coaches may become dictators * different personality beast into a team * 29 years at Duke * greatest he ever coached Jordan ** no suicides * will try the four-man-hand-holding defense * pointers for Stephen's softball team to beat Daily Show softball team ** recruit ringers * how young should be a player be in the NBA ** right out of high school * if you can drool, you can dribble ** out of the womb * accused Dr. Colbert of a breeding experiment Epilogue * Dr. Colbert has a reminder for Heroes who recorded tonight's show and burned it on a DVD, here's is his special DVD commentary: ** stop stealing his show! Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments